April 10, 2010 - Meat on a Stick's Grand Opening. Meat to be killed, and some surprise guests crash the party.
Huron, Vico, Mindbender, Yggdrasil, Cram, Razeteron
After a few weeks of downtime, the Stormhammers receive word from Tygot that the rebuilding and renovations on the old Lucky Monkey Inn have been completed, and it is now ready to become the brand-new Meat on a Stick. They head there to check out their business venture.
Tygot shows them around the restaurant - there is a large dining room, a bathroom hall with a magic "scent-free" enchantment, a kitchen which opens up into the large yard out back where large animals can be kept, and another exit out of the kitchen which leads into a backroom headquarters area with some beds, desks and chests, etc where the Stormhammers can plan their adventures or rest. The party immediately starts discussing all sorts of horrible and illegal ideas, which Tygot does his best to ignore.
As they are checking out the place, there is a knock on the door. A gnome with a pad of paper and a quill named Lexicon Quillsniffer introduces himself to the party and says he is the author of the Cauldron Chronicle. He congratulates the Stormhammers on their new business, and asks them if they are planning a grand opening. The party seems unsure, so he presses on and says that not only should they have a grand opening, they should invite important town dignitaries and officials and himself, so he can write a glowing restaurant review in the Chronicle and get them some business. The party is pretty keen on this idea, and start telling him (to his surprise) their various needs, such as balloons, invitations, magically-enchanting cutlery, etc. He tells them that he really can't handle those things, that they're not his job - but they keep asking so reluctantly he sighs and says he'll find someone in town to handle the balloons and invitations (not the cutlery though).
Someone points out an odd circular tower in the backroom area. Right now there are simply some high thin windows and three large mirrors on the walls. Tygot says it was one of the few foundation points that could be saved from the original Lucky Monkey Inn, probably because there had been some magical source there previously. Mindbender and Vico start tossing possible ideas around for the room, all of which would require magical enchantment. Mindbender wants there to be a magical miniature "map" version of Cauldron in the room. They decide to go visit Vortimax to see if this is possible.
The first thing they ask Vortimax is if he can make their cutlery sing. He thinks about it and says he has a short-term enchantment oil that will do just the thing. They buy it, and he comments that he will have to modify his teleportation circle (previously used to visit the Lucky Monkey, as he enjoyed eating there) if their food is any good. They propose the magic-floor map idea to Vortimax, and he says he'll have to examine the room in person to see how much latent magic it contains. They teleport to his old teleport circle (now off on the road) and head inside.
Vortimax takes a look at the tower room and determines that there is a great deal of latent arcane energy. The floor-map idea should work, with a permanent, real-time illusion on the floor. He also comments that the large mirrors would make excellent teleportation portals. The Stormhammers get him to enchant one of the mirrors to teleport to the Tipped Tankard. He asks who is going to test it, Yggdrasil and Mindbender volunteer. Vortimax informs them that the keyword that must be spoken as they enter the mirror is "Vortimax is King". Huron immediately vows to never use the teleportation portal, EVER. They step through the portal, but someone says Vortimax is King, and the other says Vortimax is THE King. Things go wrong.
They end up shunted off into a shadowy, blurry realm where there is no distinguishable ground or sky. It feels oddly familiar to Mindbender, then he realizes it feels like when the Far Realm abomination transported him and Briggs to another plane for a short time. A strange distorted voice expresses surprise that they are there, and then shouts at them that it's not time yet. They then find themselves standing in the Tipped Tankard hallway.
They go back and report the incident to Vortimax, who sighs and makes the password something easier. Still not liking it, the party asks instead to have the teleport portals activate after touching their orphan ring to their image - essentially by fist-bumping themselves. He does as they ask. Meanwhile, Lexicon helps the party decide to have the Grand Opening tomorrow night. Thog jumps up and volunteers to get some great meat for the night.
The next night, the guests start to arrive for the dinner. Huron has taken the role of doorman, and the others either chat and welcome the guests or help Thog and Gary and Thunderbomb in the kitchen. The guests are Rokk, Jenya, Kristof, Embril, Sarcem Navalant, Alahind, Taskerhill, Lexicon, Rhiavadi and Adrick. Mindbender activates the singing cutlery to his great delight. There is some debate as to what the cutlery is actually singing; Mindbender says it's "Be Our Guest" but there is some strong argument for a rap song from Assassin's Creed 2?? It might have been this song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=utKT2cNdb3g&feature=related
Thog tells the party that it's time to get the meat ready, and wanders into the backyard. Moments later there are bloodcurdling roars and noise coming from the yard. Everyone gathers at the windows and sees Thog dragging a giant, ferocious lion, a pair of boars, a small drake of some kind, and a pale large spider that seems to be flickering in and out of existence, all tied up. The ropes snap just as Thog looks up at the party and says "OK YOU HANDLE NOW, me have appetizers to make" and walks inside.
The party leaps outside and starts battling the beasts. The boars charge across the yard at people, trying to knock them down, while the spider phases in and out of sight biting at them. The giant lion is neutralized at first as Mindbender dominates it and makes it swipe and bite at the other animals. It breaks free soon though, and corners a few people before letting loose a thunderous howl. It then claws and pins Vico to the ground.
The Stormhammers subdue and kill the animals, though not before some serious property damage is done to Gary & Thog's backyard house. They drag the animal corpses inside and start preparing them with Thog and Thunderbomb. Those who aren't helping prep the meal chat with the guests. Rokk (?) mentions that he's looking forward to the meal, as he's spent the entire day treating minor injuries and the like from an apparent rash of minor assaults and muggings. The other head priests agree that thieves (probably the Last Laugh) seem to have been going wild today.
Thog comes out into the dining hall and climbs up onto a central stage in the middle of the tables, and starts cooking huge chunks of meat on a giant wok. The cutlery & dishes continue to sing.
The food comes out and everyone starts digging in. The general consensus is that the food is very good. The meal consists of dire lion chops, portal drake stew and phase spider pudding. Yggdrasil once again takes the chance to talk to the Mayor about the many benefits of an all-construct city guard. Meanwhile, Huron isn't talking to anyone but just watching everywhere. He spots some movement out front and creeps to a window to investigate. He sees some shadowy figures creeping up to the front door. A moment later he spots some familiar face paint - it's the Last Laugh! With a roar, he leaps through the window (shattering it) and leaps on them, surprising them completely.
Everyone inside gawks for a moment, but then Vico sees movement in the backyard, more Last Laughs attacking. He charges into the backyard and starts taking them on. There's some typical rogues, but also some bigger muscle this time - greatsword-wielding goliaths. Vico also spots a wizard in the backyard. Yggdrasil runs to the kitchen entrance and throws up a blade barrier in front of the entrance, just in time to stop two rogues from running inside. Outside, Huron is cutting a swath through the Laughs at the entrance.
However, the party is outnumbered, and some Laughs get inside and start attacking the guests, who are bloated on lion meat and pretty much helpless. The party realizes that they are hoping to kill the guests and discredit them. The party starts ushering the guests into the kitchen, though it's tough going as there are at least half a dozen Laughs inside attacking them. Yggdrasil kicks his healing into overdrive and is a stabilizing machine, saving many lives and dragging unconscious guests to the kitchen.
Outside, Vico is severely outnumbered but tries to even the odds a little by splitting into two. However, it doesn't help that much, and one of the goliaths lines him up and bull rushes him through the wall into the dining area. Cram starts burning up Laughs in the backyard and Razeteron is tearing up the rogues inside. Things start looking up, but then a heavily cloaked & armed human swings in the window and joins the fray, sneak attacking Razeteron heavily and blinding him.
Despite the addition, the Stormhammers regroup and manage to escort all the guests safely out of the melee, and mop up the remaining Last Laugh members. There is a fair bit of property damage inflicted to the dining hall when all is said and done. The guests recover for a few moments in the kitchen / tower area before heading back to Cauldron. They thank the party for the meal and for taking care of the rogues. Lexicon says that this is the most interesting restaurant ever.
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